You know I rarely talk about being a single mum.  In fact, I don’t think I have ever mentioned it on this site before.   But the last few days have made me think that I will write a book titled “How to Being a Sexy, Scumptious Single Mother”.  All I need is a publisher.  Hint, hint.  I figure, after nearly eight years (with a small period of not) of single mothering, I am clearly the expert on this topic…

For now here is…

Mia’s Hot Tips On Dating as a Single Mother (Inspired by Wippa from 92.9fm)

• Accept that some guys won’t want to date you.  Just know that you also don’t want to date them.  Just as they have their little list and on it is “no single mothers”, make your own standards and set them high.  Have a list of deal breakers and stick to them.  They can be things like:  He must be respectful at all times, he must have a good job and anything else you’d like to add.   And STICK to this.  Chances are that if you are a single mum, you have let someone treat you less than perfectly in the past.  NEVER again!

• NEVER date a guy who says to you that “in (his) perfect world he would date someone who doesn’t have children”.  You have permission to use my line and say to him that “in my perfect world you would have a six pack, less body hair and no receding hair line”, then walk away.  Remember there are plenty of guys out there who will find you completely gorgeous.  You don’t need the guys who don’t.

• Don’t apologise for being a single mother. When I first became a single mum people expected me to be apologetic for it. I wasn’t.  I was just damn proud of my gorgeous child.  I also happen to have a hot mum myself who told me (in her words) to ‘keep my head high and don’t take crap from anyone”.  Realise that mothering (whether single or not) is the best thing in the world.  Take an enormous amount of pride in your child and in your mothering.

• When you are in your twenties and everyone around you is going out all the time and you are home breastfeeding a baby, it is very easy (if not near impossible) to feel a little sorry for yourself.  If you are in this position keep in mind; by the time those friends reach 30 and over, more and more of them will be jealous of you as they struggle with fertility and have to resort to IVF and adoption.  BE THANKFUL FOR BEING FERTILE!

•  GO OUT with the girls! At nights when there are other adults going out.  Leave your child with a trusted adult for the night and go.  Leave guilt behind and remember than your child needs time away from you too.  Get frocked up and let your hair down.  Flirt.  Love it. You deserve this time more than any other person does so take it!  Try going to different places so that your world doesn’t become too small.

• GO OUT with the boys!  Be willing to date.   Give anyone who asks one date to prove whether they have any potential or not. 

• Make your first date short, fun and flirty.  Leave everything to his imagination.  And whatever you do, no sad stories or tears or tales of loneliness.  Just think how would you feel if you went on a date with a guy and he dumped all of his problems onto you with a tear in his eye?  I would run a million miles in the opposite direction.

• Take a long time for intimacy to happen.  Don’t sleep with him for a long, long time.  Wait until you are completely comfortable with the fact that he is totally in love with you. 

• Be willing to protect your child above getting the love you think you need.  If you notice your boyfriend acting too strangely around your child,  speak to your child and call it off immediately! 

• Remember that when you go out and meet guys you don’t actually have to tell them that you are a parent.  It is more protective not to tell them until you have completely sussed them out.  Never walk up to a guy in a bar and say “Hi I’m a single mum”.  That is none of their business.  Make small talk about your work, your hobbies, travel, etc. 

• Another word of warning.  Be very afraid of guys who are too ‘into’ your children.  It is normal for a guy to be careful when he meets your children and to be a little hesitant.  Remember that there are paedophiles out there and statistically they do prey upon single mothers!!!

• Take a long, long time to introduce your child to your new love.  Talk to your child about him and ask her if she likes him. 

• Don’t leave your child alone with your new flame for a long, long time.  Be careful!

• Don’t sit at home feeling sorry for yourself when you become a single mum.  Get out and about so that you continually meet new people. Take a night course (or one during the day), join a mothers’ group, get a job (even if it is part-time it is a great way to socialise, particularly in a male-oriented field).  As your child grows make sure that you go to everything, soccer games (sporty single dads are everywhere and hot!), school meetings etc.  You never know where there could be a hot guy!

• Join a gym.  Apart from the social aspect you also get to keep yourself looking in shape and those endorphins keep running.

• Above all, believe in yourself.  Follow your dreams.  When you walk into a room or meet a nice guy think to yourself “he would be lucky to have me and my child in his life.”  Confidence is everything.

I know how difficult single parenting can get so give yourself a big pat on the back.  Make sure that you have some good girlfriends who you can rely on and go for it.  Remember there will be a lot of nights when the television is your only companion so maybe this is a good time to start work on that PhD or go back to school and become a lawyer?

You Go Girls!

Mia

xxxx

PS If you are a publisher, contact me.

(Wippa and Me sitting in a tree…. (nah nothing like that)  Note:  He doesn’t have a black eye so he couldn’t have been that bad after all.  Maybe he is just a big cuddly bear.  )

To understand this funny story it would be best to read the previous post before proceeding…

Umm, the dates.  First let me say, the second date, the real one was a heck of a lot more enthralling than the first.  But since I am not really much into going on about my personal life all I will say is errr - NOTHING.

Mia’s Speed-Date with a Radio Station:  We, three lovely single mums, arrived at the radio station.  I was first to go and have my speed date with Wippa.  I sat down and looked into his eyes.  That was the first time I realised that the comments he had made about single mothers on his show were complete rubbish. 

It was all a gimmick folks.  One to get more listeners.  It goes something like this:  Radio announcer puts foot in mouth, offends a whole part of the population.  Radio station gets a lot of abuse, calls, emails etc. for this.  Radio announcer then gets ‘punished’ for his loud mouth with gimmick ie. speed date.  Radio announcer then appears to have changed his wicked ways and come to see ‘that in fact single mums are less desperate than your average girl”.  Then radio announcer wins over the hearts of the listening audience again with his ability for change (which man changes his mind because of something a woman has said), ability to listen and gift of empathy.  Give me a break.

Well this may have been a cheap way to increase ratings but were my intentions any more pure?  Hell, no. 

You may ask, what is Wippa like?  Dunno, don’t care.  I wasn’t there to get to know a young, arrogant radio announcer who is probably going to bed each night dreaming of having his very own Megan Gale (yes, I have prejudices of my own).  I was simply there for two reasons, firstly to tell Wippa what I think of single mums (we all rock by the way!), and second to make sure that more people know about this site.   And I can say, mission accomplished.

All in all it was a perfect date.  We met.  We had a drink.  We both got what we wanted.  We left.

Perfect, ladies, perfect.

And it was really quite fun.  

Mia

A note to date number two: I think Wippa could really use a lesson or two from you on how to treat a lady.  Maybe he would have more success with the females:)

xxx

Hey there lovely ladies!

Ummm how to begin? 

Well, on the way to work this morning I was listening to 92.9, Em, Wippa and Tim’s morning show.  They began talking about the fact that Wippa had said yesterday that he would not date a single mum ever because, and I quote, “(we) are all desperate to find fathers for our children”.  We also apparently look older than our age, find life too difficult and need help from a guy and blah blah blah.

Em decided on the show this morning that Wippa needed punishment for his rudeness and attitudes so she decided to send him on speed dates with ten single mothers – TONIGHT!  Me, being a little groggy in the morning and really not myself before my first intake of caffeine for the day, decided that I would take him on and go on a date with him.  I called the station and so now, here I am going on a date with a guy who doesn’t want to date single mothers, tonight.

What am I thinking?  Well, I am not silly enough to want to change anyone’s mind on anything.  But, saying that, I think like all negative stereotypes, I find the ’skanky, dumb, desperate single mother’ stereotype insulting and limiting.  And I will put in my two cents’ worth when I talk to him.  

And.  The worst part of all.  I had to reschedule my ‘real’ date for this evening for an hour later, with a guy who clearly doesn’t mind single mothers…

Thoughts racing through my head right now.  Am I mad?  What should I wear on my two dates tonight?  Will I be forced to be rude to him?  Am I just using this as a way to publicise my site in the same way that this station is using Wippa’s rude comments to publicise theirs?  Is all fair in love and war and the fight for an audience?

Will get back to you tomorrow on how it went…

Mia

xxxxxxxxx

PS.  An extra big kiss to all the single mums out there.  A toast to you all, ladies!

Hi everybody.  Back with a quick, little post – all I seem to be able to produce for the moment being.  In a few weeks I am on holidays so I promise more then.  And there are some great little tutorials brewing in my head.  So, expect the drought to end soon and a proliferation of posts to ensue.  I promise I am not just teasing you…

What’s kitty got to do with anything?  Well our lovely Luciano has a lot to do with our house.  Once he ruled it as a tyrant, but this year, at the grand old age of four, he seems to have mellowed into a cat who purs at the slightest comfort and has taken to sleeping on Milly’s tummy in the cold (well as cold as it gets in this climate) winter nights.  He is now impossibly cute.  So much so that we have forgiven (and almost forgotten) his mid-night attacks on our faces (I kid you not), the multiple scratch scars on our faces and the other antisocial behaviours.

Yeah, that’s cute.  But why all the cat talk?  Well, I was just reading Crazy Aunt Purl who has a severe case of feline obsession, and I found a link to her feline-friendly competition.  I thought that some of you may share these cat-loving sentiments and be inspired to knit or crochet a cat sweater.   Check out this competition and make sure that your winning enty arrives by 31 October, 2007.

Good Luck!

Mia-owwwwww

Hello, hello.

I seem to be always saying sorry on this blog, or thinking it, for my irregular posting.  So, I am just going to say sorry once and for all and then we will be done with it.  It is actually one of the great things about running my own site.  It is one of the only things in my life where the deadlines are self-imposed and I can really let it fit into the craziness and the infrequent lulls in this here life.

There has been no time for crafting for pleasure lately as I have been working on a few big projects, writing for some magazines and other stuff (more on that later).  If I were crafting it would be sewing.  I wish I were sewing some very hip cushions for my couch, and starting to sew some gorgeous little dresses for Milly, like last year’s summer creations.  

I would also love the time to make some clothes for me.  Have been getting loads of fashion inspiration lately. I am loving the bold colours, geometric shapes for the new season, so glad that the pregnant look is dead (it was bad enough having the pregnant look while being pregnant), and basically loving all the metallic junk that is being added.  Seems like a fun, young season.   

I promise to return soon with some more crafty goodness and maybe some fashion. 

Have a good time.

Mia

xxx